It's a year today that I started this blog. I'm surprised I lasted this long, the only long period I went without posting anything/much was between October and January and that was due to technical difficulties ie. my computer would turn itself off every 15 minutes. ANYWAY, I'm surprised because I have no will power. I say I'll do things and usually I don't. Every few weeks I tell myself I'll do sit ups everyday, drink lots of water and eat my five fruit and vegetables a day, by the end of the week I've given up. I say I won't see someone and as soon as they say 'I'm coming round yours on Thursday, just so you know' I cave.
There are a lot of thoughts in my head. I feel like I've used that sentence a lot. But I do. These thoughts expand when I try to sleep. They push against the walls of my skull trying to get out. But they can't break through the thick layer of skin that's built up to keep them captive. I do not want them there. They keep me from sleeping. As soon as my sleepy head hits the pillow I'm awake again. I think for hours. About everything. Usually I think about how things could've been if only I'd changed a minor detail. I think about what it would be like to live on the moon. I think about what life would be like if we didn't have clocks. I think about things I will almost certainly never find out. And that's when I get depressed.
There are so many things we will never find out. We can philosophize all we like, but at the end of the day we'll never find out. And I like to know things.
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